July 2, 2013

My Inner Monologue When "Strong Enough" Plays While Driving

Is this? Oh man - YES - I love this song. I mean, I don’t love this song, but you know, Sheryl Crow is a super talented guitar player. Shit, red light. I’m just gonna roll my windows up. Because it’s cold outside, not because I care what people think if I’m listening to this song. This was a popular song. Lots of people like this song. I mean this song –nothing’s gooooood and nothing’s riiiight, so let me be your one tooniii- whoa, whoa, I wasn’t humming that. No one saw me humming that. Who’s next to me right now? Some dude in a Camry. Shit. Fuck that guy, he’s not cooler than me. I don’t care what designer shades he's wearing. Camry guy - what an asshole. I’m gonna turn this song up, because it’s a good song. There we go, turned it right up! See Camry guy, I’m – shit he looked at me.

Turn it back down, turn it back down. Pretend like you're trying to change the station but the radio isn't working. Look at me, pushing buttons, what the, what's wrong with my radio? Now let me just make a face to show I can't figure out what's wrong with my radio. Quick P, flail your arms in mock frustration. There we go, that should do it. 

God dammit, this is the longest f*&king red light on the entire planet, Jesus Christ. Why can’t - cause you can’t chaaaange the way I am, are you stroooong enough to be my maaaaaaan. Lieeee to me, but pleaaase don’t leeeeaaaave, don’t leave nooo- holy shit, I was just singing that out loud. Which channel is ESPN radio? Wait, I hate sports. I wonder if ESPN radio is only available on Sirus radio. God I miss Howard Stern. Shit! FOCUS! What the f*&k are you looking at Camry asshole? I'm important! I had sex 7 weeks ago!

Green light, nice! Turn it up!

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