Robo: Until last week, I had no idea that Kate Middeton and Prince William (William Arthur Philip Louis Mountbatten-Windsor) were expecting. Other than to say cheers and don’t let him become an Arsenal fan, I could give two shits. Therefore, I guess I’ll just offer up a list of possible names they could use (as of my writing this the kid has no name):
- Harry Potter Mountbatten-Windsor
- John Paul George And Ringo Mountbatten-Windsor
- Jamy Winehouse Mountbatten-Windsor
- Mick Mountbatten-Windsor
- Hugh Grant Mountbatten-Windsor
- Sean Connery George Lazenby Sena Connery Roger Moore Tomothy Dalton Pierce Brosnan Daniel Craig Mountbatten-Windsor
- Boy George Michael Mountbatten-Windsor
- Mike Hitt Mountbatten-Windsor
PWeekly: In a fantastical far away galaxy, a comical bizarro culture makes a newborn baby its future Head of State regardless of the baby's actions between now and then. What does the royal baby mean to me? Well, namely, nothing. This will just be the next person in a long line of people who will mysteriously die in an elaborate Illuminati scheme taking place in an unsecured tunnel location, that I wont cry about. Other than this baby's speculated future in wind generation through flapping its giant dumbo ears (you're welcome T. Boone Pickens), what effect will it have on anything in the world? Maybe C.G.P. Grey could make a 5 minute video telling me why I care, but seriously, I doubt I do, and who has 5 minutes to give to the monarchy? No one, that's who. This new little life squirt from the royal loins has less effect on the people of my world than do Honey Boo Boo and the cast of Duck Dynasty, and that's saying something.
Luke on Life: I saw a baby once. They're gross. If Kate handed me her baby I'd be just as likely to set it back down on the couch and go grab a cocktail as I would if you handed me your sticky kid. I hope he comes out half black and they just roll with it like Jim Carrey did in Me, Myself, and Irene. If it's a girl I hope they name her Oprah.