April 19, 2013

Robo's Ramblings: Checking In

Pweekly, being the profound Editor-in-Chief of Sacramento’s fourth best blog, sent me a note yesterday that simply said, “how about an article?”  When I pressed him for a subject or an idea, he responded with “baseball” or “gun laws (apparently those are my go-tos).  Having been off the reservation for 2013 (and the majority of 2012), I figured it better to skip the pro-Giants post or political rant and instead give you all an update on life’s recent events and introduce myself to those of you recently lured over to this site by way of PWeekly’s constant attention-whoring and Rachel’s bag-o dick jokes (not sure what Luke does these dayssomething to do with big gulps and taco sauce…I think).

Introductions first:  For those who haven’t figured it out, my name is Robo and I am a 30-something working as a government employee by day (not the kind that eats soda and birthday cake for breakfast) and practicing karate and child-rearing by night.  I am married to a woman who outshines me in every way possible and I have a 17-month-old son who callsMickey Mouse “Minnie” and thinks he can operate an automobile (more on him in a minute).  Politically, I tend to lean towards the left (except around tax time when I pull out my Tea Party Patriot shirtGrover Norquist button, and start circling the Capitol in a painted van), but generally think both parties need a good unfucking.  I enjoy day-drinking, the works of Home BoxOffice, and when given the opportunity, eating foie gras and talking about how good it is in front of vegetarians.

As mentioned above, my family, along with the gym and home improvement projects (killing plants), take up most of my free time these days.  I must say, it is a trip to watch a kid grow up.  One day they’re unknowingly shitting themselves and struggling to roll over, the next they’re actively shitting themselves, looking at you while doing it, and saying, “high five!”  It is nuts how fast our son has gone from helpless baby to full-fledged kid.  I remember giving him a bath a month or so ago, watching him figure out his wienie, and thinking to myself, “we have a toddler on our hands.”  

The biggest progression our son has made since I last posted onPweekly’s SMEBB Message Board has to be walking and talking.  He runs around like a flightless bird, leading with his head, arms at his side, bobbing up and down, all while smashing into everything in sight with no concern for bodily harm.  He usually yells something as he’s running which I can’t understand, but find funny nonetheless because it reiterates the fact that toddlers are certifiably insane.  The talking part of watching him develop trumps everything.  He has a solid understanding of 10 or so random words, including “car, Abby, cook, momma, dada, dog, shoe, banana, Jew,” and the aforementioned, “high-five!”  I have been trying to teach him words that sound like bad words in hopes that he will confuse my mother-in-law (we’re currently working on “ship” and “vacuum”).

Other than raising the boy, work has been busy.  I recently left the Department of Fun and am now working for the government lobbying on behalf single, 30 -something women who supportcats and cat accessories.  The pay is great, but the hours are long and it’s devastating to my allergies.  

Last, but not least, my wife and I just celebrated three-years of marriage which is crazy considering I referred to her as “blonde girl” for the first few months when we met.  Needless to say, things worked out and we’re coasting along doing the things husbands and wives do.  She keeps me in check when it comes to patience and the kid, lets me know when my hair makes me look like a lesbian, and starts the BBQ a couple times a week.  I try and return the favor from time to time.  She broke her finger a couple weeks ago so a few times a week I have to get in the shower and wash her hair for her and she can’t change diapers(Wife 2-Me 0).  Torture I know, but at least I get to see her naked and baby shit is only bad if you get it in your mouth.

Hopefully, you’ll hear more from me soon.  I think I have a 2013 F-List to write soon so that’ll be exciting.  However, I think my next blog will be titled, “PWeekly: A Case Study on Day-Time Soap Stars, Manliness, and the Vodka Soda.”  It’s a period piece…


Brad C. said...

How I've missed Robo!

Billy W. said...

I loved this!