April 24, 2013

lol: luke on life


"A lot of people may not know this but I happen to be quite famous." Ted Dansen, that guy i'm in the photo with, said that as the character Sam Malone on the best TV show ever. if you you don't know what that is you won't regret looking it up and watching all of them.  I'd like to be famous one day and also have no one know about it either.

Airport toilet paper is less efficient at wiping than a grocery store receipt.

I hate to sound like a braggart but I have been hit on several times by members of the same sex. I find it flattering.  I also sometimes wish I was gay just because of how cunty women can sometimes be. But man.... If I was as aggressive to ladies as gay men are to me I'd be on Megan's List. You can't know me for 30 minutes, get my number from our mutual friend, then call me from the bathroom of the bar we're at while I'm sitting next to your life partner and tell me to come meet you in the stall. That's ridiculous. Unless it works though, because that'd be pimp shit!


I feel like DJ's used to be a lot more receptive to requests. They used to have to schlep around 6,000 records to every wedding, Bar Mitzvah, or Quinceanera they got hired for and pretend like they loved it when you said, "Hey, can you play La Bamba, my sister will die when she hears it" then they had to act like you just thought of a song he or she didn't think to put on. Now when you go to request a song it's some super tan emo asshole who gives you the same emotional response to your song request as I give to the the DMV lady when she tells me, "Sorry, you're in the wrong line, you have to go stand in that one over there."


Pandora should send a "you suck" text to the artist who's song you just thumbs downed so they know how much you hate them. I'm talking to you Nickleback! They should also play a song you have previously "thumbs upped" after playing one that you just "thumbs downed" to make amends. Don't play shit I really hate on a 
station I'm building is what i'm saying. I like Spotify, but you were here first Pandora, so get better or die tryin'.

I feel just as sad when I find out your restaurant doesn't have a website as I do when I look at the Yellow Pages that have been sitting on my porch for the last month.  Utter 
disappointment.  Do you know how much it sucks to be wasted and want to call in an order for a friend to pick up without a menu in front of you? My mom has a website and she's like 90. Come on guys.

My mom is 65 and she is the best mom ever.  Ever. And she doesn't have a website so stop Googling her creeps.

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