August 2, 2012
lol: luke on life
I can't figure out why there are Olympic swimming races in any other form but freestyle. It is clearly the fastest way to get from one end of the pool to the other. I feel like some dude kept getting beat in training and finally got fed up and said, "well you're pretty good at freestyle but I bet I can beat you to the other side if we swim butterfly!" Luckily, everyone else didn't wanna make him feel bad so they went along and let him win even though swimming butterfly is fucking hard and stupid and you would never do that shit in real life unless you're an ass hat or trying to show off. They don't find out who the fastest man in the world at running 100 meters is and then get 7 new guys out to see who can hop 100 meters on one foot the fastest because that would be silly.
Does anyone really know how Shazam works?
Is there something about moving in with a person that suddenly makes you a doctor? "Look at this thing on my back.... what is it?" "Do I have a fever?" "How many of these should I take?" I don't wanna pop whatever that is on your back and could you please wipe before you bend over next time? I'm not a doctor and this is getting gross."
Unsolicited nutritional advice is the best. "You know...... Dandelion greens are actually a better source of Vitamin A than carrots." Well right now i'm eating a carrot. Why don't you go eat a dick.
I wonder if when people in China call in an order somewhere and the person on the receiving end asks them to please spell their name the person who called goes "upside down house with three lines through it... Pi symbol inside a triangle... Then two trapezoids both bisected by vertical arrows. Yep you heard right, it's 'Bill'". Cool alphabet guys.
How did the adolescent boys of native american tribes hide their boners under those flaps?