If you call a couch a davenport you are an asshole.
One of the questions on the exam to become a naturalized American citizen involves the photo to the left. The fortunate exam takers are shown a glossy reprint and asked:
The photo you are now looking at is an example of:
a) american jingoists
c) how to be a gangster
"I have tons of gay friends" is the new "I have black friends."
You would think that a neapolitan ice cream sando would be better than a plain old vanilla ice cream sando because it has three flavors instead of one, but you'd be wrong. If you just hand me a regular ice cram sando I'm happy. I eat it. If you give me the neapolitan I automatically rank the flavors when I unwrap it. Chocolate being the clear winner with strawberry in a close second followed by sad, sad, "please put a topping on me," vanilla. All of a sudden I am ranking flavors and deciding whether I should go chocolate first or save the best for last. It is hot. I'm hungry. You've got me ranking ice creams. I just wanted a treat and now I've got a chore. If i go chocolate first I'm sad when i get to the end. You just made me sad.
Blessing Nazi: The person poised to say "bless you" before you're even finished sneezing.
Seriously people, look at that dude on the right. The honor of giving him my virginity has long since passed, but if he asked I'd sew my hymen back together to make it happen.