January 20, 2011

lol: luke on life

Sorry it has been so long. I was in Oslo collecting a Pulitzer on behalf of the PWeekly crew. It's gonna look great next to all of Rachel's hockey trophies.

You notice how when doctors come out to announce a persons death, or when someone is being eulogized, or you're reading an obit it is always, "So and so fought bitterly to the end only succumbing after a tumultuous, hard fought battle, that proved giving in to the pain and fear was never an option all the while exhibiting a bravery we should all be envious of?" I want my obit to read, "He pussed out two seconds after I told him he had cancer. It wasn't even a fatal cancer. He was able to stop the tears just long enough to grab the morphine administer and OD on the spot. Then he shit himself."

Why do they still make the green original NyQuil? Compared to the red it is like drinking dick tea.

Netflix, please stop flooding my inbox with the "did whatever movie arrive yet" or "what day did whatever movie arrive" messages. Trust me, if my Twilight series DVD's weren't showing up on time, you'd be hearing from me.

If I've been doing a bunch of yoga lately but its not Bikram does that mean I don't get to post about it on Facebook? Every 33 seconds? I get it, you're healthier than me. I don't update my status every time i pour myself a vodka press.

As it looks like things are going good for representative Gifford, I would like to predict she will be the most storied/successful politician in history. Fuck every war story that has ever gotten someone elected. Take your single mother of three crap and shove it up your ass. She took a bullet to the dome. IT WENT THROUGH HER HEAD! She'd have to use an original copy of the Declaration of Independence as a maxi pad to not win reelection against the pope.

Kisses.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're not just streaming on Netflix?

KV said...

hahaha @ yoga

luke said...

streaming yes. they ain't got their libary in full swing yet though....

Anonymous said...

why are you so hilarious?

luke said...

It's how we roll.
When is the Pweekly app available to download?

Anonymous said...

You can change the frequency of netflix emails in your account settings.

Love,
Me

luke said...

thanks me!

anonymice said...

mmm, vodka press...