October 26, 2010

lol: luke on life

Happy Halloween Mothafuckers!
Sadly, this photo was not taken on Halloween and this guy I shouldn't be touching is not in costume.

Every ad on the radio right now is political in nature. So sad. I have to believe that the reason candidates spend so much money on them is because they have an affect. Much like pop-up and banner ads on the internet, if none of you tards clicked on them they wouldn't be there. So sad. If you are or have ever been swayed by a political ad then you should not be allowed to vote. Ever.

I wanna get a job naming apples. Honeygold? Sounds bomb, is bomb. Fuji? Not sure what it has to do with fruit but it's intriguing and they're fucking tasty. Red Delicious? Its got delicious right there in the name. I don't care for red delicious but it's a good sales strategy. Whats with the rest of you guys? Hauer Pippin? That's what you're going with? Who wants to eat a "Hauer Pippin?" Foxwelp? Really? Did you just whip a fox and then name an apple? Dumbass. Chinook? That's a fish. Get better apple namers.

Speaking of Rachel's Adam's apple - you ever notice how most of our popular ventriloquists are male? The two giveaways are minute lip movements and those ever present throat palpitations. The latter being less of a give away on the ladies. You'd think there would be more of them in the game since they'd be more convincing, no?

How come in the ghetto they're called speed bumps but in nice neighborhoods they're called undulations?

I love the "put any shit you don't want in the street and the city will pick it up free day." Sadly, the folks who come by and scavenge aren't the "one man's trash is another man's treasure" type. Usually, you end up locked in a conversation with the dude who has four kids living in the back of a stolen U-Haul asking if the bathtub you just left on the curb has any holes in it before he'll take it. Real neat.

So America, if you're not already registered to vote its too late, but my general erection is coming up quick and I hope I see you out there. Also, stay tuned to PWeekly tomorrow, when Rachel will begin her three-part investigative journalistic piece Jesus of Nazareth: Hipster or Emo?


Katie said...

Red Delicious are bomb!

Anonymous said...

Definitely emo.

Brett said...

I haven't registered. But I do have an Adam's apple.

Anonymous said...

An apple a day?

Anonymous said...

luke i didn't know you had teeth.
since when do you smile?

luke said...

other anonymous person attempts sarcasm