October 12, 2010

lol: luke on life

Keep it classy its ceremony time!

So the readers of our local alternative rag saw fit to vote us best blog. That’s just nuts! I’ve never won anything before. I’d really like to thank Jesus our lord and savior for making all of this possible. One, because I write about him on here a lot and he deserves praise. Two, because I was watching BET last night and that seems like the popular thing to do when you win something. Even an award for best violent rap duo. And tres - (shout out to my Mojado readers) - if there is any publication in the greater Sacramento area where followers of organized religion go get their news it’s the readers of the Sacramento News and Review! Thanks guys.

Hey guys, stop borrowing you lady's car if she has a "cowgirl up", "chicks rule", or "bad ass girls drive bad ass toyz" bumper sticker.

It’s kinda gay.

I think stereotyping gets a bad rep. Only because most of you are racist. Stereotypes aren't all bad. When you see one of those 300-year-old Asian ladies walking down the street don't you assume she can make some bomb ass Chinese food? That’s not bigotry that's a compliment. I’d like people to look at me and assume the same shit. Bitches like dudes who can cook. I also assume she knows karate. There’s nothing wrong with that either. I wanna know karate you racist dick.

When I woke up the morning after we found out we won and saw Rachel’s morning wood slowly building a tent in the only sheet we had covering us I thought "when are California voters and legislators going to pull their heads outta their asses and allow same sex marriages?" This is the last
time I’m going to harp on this subject but Jesus Christ! We only want what you have.

I must add that the readers of SN&R also picked Rob, Arnie, and Dawn as best morning radio show and that does make me question the validity of our award. But oh well.

Hey mom, I’m an award winning comedy writer.


Anonymous said...

I have one of those bumper stickers - And I listen Rob Arnie and Dawn.

Balls said...

too bad people dont look at you & think your a good chief, they think you are part of a mexican gang (because you have brown skin & a mustache)

rachel in the know said...

beautifully written.

Anonymous said...

bitches do like women who can cook

PWeekly said...

Good chief or chef? I'm confused. And suddenly hungry.

luke said...

balls you confuse too much.

rachel is tight!

both anon's: i feel sorry for your mothas.