September 10, 2010

lol: luke on life

The Golden Gate bridge took less than four years to complete. In the 1930's. Empire State building 14 months. Also in the 30's. I feel like they have been "expanding" Sutter General hospital in Midtown Sacramento since the Tet Offensive. When does the construction end?

You ever done that thing where you're jogging on a park trail when you're not in that good shape? You find yourself coming up on passin the hot chick in spandex speed walking with her friend. You can't let her hear you gasping for air so you arrest your breathing so when you pass she can't tell that you've been living on cheese steaks, vodka sodas, and Marlboro Mediums for six years only to go by unnoticed and realize you now need an epi pen to correct yourself?

Somehow Christians have been able to convince one billion plus people that the "stuff" in the Bible actually happened but when it comes to allowing people who like to marry those of their own sex their - from what I gander is - their best shot so far, argument dwindles to a slippery slope that involves me marrying my dog. Your followers should be scared. No on 8! How else will Rachel and I ever tie the knot?

Every time you drive up 50 to towards Tahoe you can see the Centerfolds strip club sign advertising so and so stripper is dancing tonight followed by a number, usually in the hundreds, of how many porns she's starred in. Really? So you're telling me she's not a virgin? Just put her name on the sign. I'll do the hooker math.

You know how tired the "wash me" written in dust on the back window of a dirty car joke is? It's as old as the I'm washing my truck and my neighbor comes out, smiles cheesily, points to his ride, and says, "Hey could you get mine next?" Don't be that guy.

Just when you think California politicians couldn't be more inept they go and speed through the Chelsae's Law initiative and totally fuck up my game. Just in time for Halloween kid candy mating season to boot! Am I right J.G.?

Incidentally, I now have a windowless white van for sale. It gets decent mileage and is hecka comfy inside. Hit me up in the comments.

I'd like to thank one of our Canadian readers (not sure if there are more than one) for pointing out to me that that Rich Cronin of LFO has passed. I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch and so did he. Cronin had a stroke. Add that to his Leukemia and you get death. He was 36. Who has strokes at 36? What a fag.

Hi Girls on the Grid!

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL! Hooker math

Kristy said...

I heart this like tge heart in the pic

Rachel said...

i have a big penis. but you know this.

Luke said...

hi kristy!

rachel you should start endorsing a line of condoms

Frank said...

My neighbor is totally THAT guy.

Anonymous said...

Do black football players need eye black?

PWeekly said...

I have a small penis. Luke, you down?

Rachel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rachel said...

i can't say "extravaganza. screw off" but you will leave a glaring typo such as "ploiticians" up? double standard!

PWeekly said...

LOL! Snappers!

PWeekly said...

Fixed

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the shout-out!
-Girls on the Grid