June 9, 2010

Sexy Time

Being sexy is no easy task, just ask an ugly person. A lot of hard work, effort and, yes, some luck is required to meet the high standards of sexy, especially in this day and age.

Naturally if you’re already sexy you’re probably reading this on your yacht eating lobster stuffed with gold and sex. For everyone else, PWeekly has compiled some simple tips that can be used to boost your sex appeal:

Hygiene
Do you have days when you feel it’s easier to shake a t shirt out the window and call it washed rather than actually making it come in contact with soap? Do you do the same thing with your undercarriage? This is not good. Given enough time you may actually start to smell like a curious mixture of old books and a cheese shop. When’s the last time you ever picked up a girl in an old book and cheese shop? You know who actually frequents old book and cheese shops? Mysterious old men who sell you The Neverending Story. Have fun with your Luck Dragon.

Reduce the Effects of Carb Face
You can improve your personality and worldview all day, but at the end of the day if you look like the bastard child of Forest Whitaker and John Favraou it’s not going to matter. The fact is we live in a shallow little world and looks matter way more than your mom lead you to believe when she was grimacing and trying to hug your troll-like frame. Just say no to the carbs.

Know Your Audience
Being sexy is relative. Figure out your target demo and sexify accordingly. Are you a pimply sit faced teen with aspirations at getting with the cheerleader? Swept bang it up! Do you frequent taqueria's and La Superior markets? Go for high socks! It's not rocket science people. Also, I just trademarked "sexify" so if you've repeated it you already owe me 5 dollars.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I make it a point to never bathe.

Anonymous said...

I'm a bit uncomfortable with how unfunny this is. Better luck with your next entry

PWeekly said...

Thanks Anonymous. They can't all be winners.

Luke said...

i wanted to bone moonchild.