May 11, 2010

lol: luke on life

Hey BP, cool contingency plan. When you have an oil well in the Gulf of Mexico where the possibility of catastrophe is slim, but will affect millions, the plan of attack you agreed upon in the board meeting when you finalized the dig shouldn't have been a "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" sorta discussion.

I still think its funny that in Point Break a motley crew of rag tag surfers who had long since turned on, tuned in, and dropped out somehow recognize Johnny Utah randomly playing on the beach as the former quarterback for some out of state college like 3 or 4 years removed. Really?*

Luke R. became a fan of calling your tacos "street tacos" to make them sound cooler.

I always graciously take my receipt and thank the giver even though I have no intention of ever looking at it or using it (when you're net worth is hovering around 2,000 dollars you can afford life's little luxuries). But I can't let them know I ain't gonna keep it cause I'm afraid they'll add shit to my bill when I leave so I turn throwing it away while they're not looking into my own little James Bond mission.

I just interviewed for a job designing clothing for cyclists but didn't get the call back because I'm not color blind enough. Seriously riders, whats with the neon cammo spandex onsies? I ride a bike every day. I don't even know where to buy that shit.


God invented mirrored sunglasses so I could pretend I'm listening to you while I stare at your ####.**

Fat ladies houses always have 4 things in common. Optimistically purchased exercise equipment, tons of diet soda, an assortment of knee braces and a lifetime subscription for back pain medicine.

My mom prefers Diet Coke, has a health ryder that is basically a spider hotel, and can't be thanked enough for my free supply of Vicodins.

Texting "I'm out front" has replaced knocking on doors and car horns and will soon render door bells obsolete.


BTW: Keanu is the most under rated actor ever.... Serious.


*some ideas may not be the authors own
**
tits

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hilarious.

Anonymous said...

I heart street tacos.

Jen said...

I love street tacos AND Point Break. But not Keanu.

PWeekly said...

I'm claiming copyright credit for the out front texting. You'll be hearing from my attorney.

Austy Mac said...

I hate it when I get, "I'm out front" or better yet, "here".

Dumb people pseudo communicating...

Matt said...

And Bill Simmon's should claim copyright infringement for that bit about the surfers recognizing Johnny Utah.

Luke said...

actually thats from carolla robo and i didn't claim it. the out front texting is mine.

Matt said...

Bill Simmons was making that comment long before Corolla had his own radio show my friend.

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