September 14, 2009

Inner Monologue of a Normal Person at a Health Care Rally

Alright, let's see here: my friend Todd told me that hot chicks show up at these healthcare rallies all the time. I'll just check out the scene a little, see which side has the hotter chicks, and then I'll go with that side. I don't even know what all this healthcare shit is about, anyway. Let's see, from what I've seen on the news, one side is saying that I shouldn't have to pay when I go to the hospital, and the other side is saying that I should only have to pay if I'm a citizen, or something like that. I don't know. Why is everybody yelling? It's like an abortion rally up in here. Are they killing people or something?

Hey, that chick doesn't look too bad. What's that sign she's holding? It looks like a picture of Obama with a Hitler moustache on it. Hmm. He looks good with a moustache. Not that particular stache, but maybe he should think about, like, a handlebar moustache or something. F*ckin' Hitler. He totally ruined that moustache for the rest of history. That's how you know when you're a bad dude: when you ruin a moustache style forever. Also, when you kill millions of innocent jews, but the moustache thing is pretty bad, too. Hmm. Anybody who would throw a Hitler moustache around all willy-nilly like that is probably gonna be a too much trouble. I mean, I make a lot of racist jokes. Maybe I'll try this other chick over here, and see if I can get a conversation going.

Jesus. Somebody's a little worked up today. Strike out for that chick. You're not gonna get laid by being loud and whiny. It seems like all that yelling energy could be better-utilized elsewhere, like maybe on a treadmill. She's not super-fat, but she's fat enough. Not "walrus" fat, but more like "adolescent sea lion" fat. Whatever. It's still too fat for me. Unless...does free healthcare include lapband procedures? It probably does. Why else would those fat people on the other side of the rally be fighting so hard for it? In that case, maybe I should make my way over to there and check out the pro-free healthcare product.

Man, there's a lot of old ladies over here. A lot of people with weird scars and shit, too. C'mon, these old ladies have to have some hot grand daughters somewhere. Where's all the young, hot, pro-free healthcare tail? They're probably sitting in a college classroom somewhere. Either that, or they're working their asses off at three jobs to pay the hospital bills from the car accident they were in a few years ago. But what about the unemployed people? Surely there are some hot unemployed chicks out there. There must be. I mean, I'm a hot dude, and I'm unemployed...well, I don't know if "hot" is the right word, but I'm certainly an unemployed dude.

Man, I don't even know what these people are f*cking talking about. Gross National Product? Canada? Lobbyists? Ah, f*ck it. I don't understand what's going on at all. What I do understand is that there aren't any hot chicks on either side of this argument. I have a feeling that free healthcare isn't gonna get me one of those pot cards anyway. God dammit. This is f*cking retarded. I should never have listened to Todd. I could be home playing Wii right now if it wasn't for that f*cker. Wii Sports Resort: now that's a healthcare package.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hahaha. Health care rules!