June 11, 2009

lol: luke on life

Ever notice how one plastic grocery bag becomes eerily close to breaking under the weight of half a banana but when you put two of them together you could tow a truck?

I spent the last two weekends in jail for something other than trying to save a nun form a mugging. Here's what I learned:

  • I've spent worse weekends in hotels in Cuba and Prague. and Figi. (Editor's note: Classic example of Place Dropping)
    • If the librarian (read: Illiterate inmate in charge of the room where they hide the reading material) says "hold on blood let me go check" when you ax him for a book you're not getting one.

    • The deputy doesn't like it when he asks you to wake up your cell mate for cell count and instead of getting up and tapping him on the shoulder you throw the inmate code of conduct book at him. (they give you that one to read during check in)
    • My body is far better at deciding to shut down for two days than i could ever have imagined after seeing the toilet situation in the cell.

    • My apartments plumbing system has asked that i try to stay out of jail
    Whats up with chicks that are super cute, who i'd judge a 6, thinking they'rea 4, overcompensating with make up to become a 7, and turning into a 2?

    American jail is a lot easier place to be than too many of the countries on this planet. Are people not brushing as much as they used to or have my olfactories been working out at the gym?

    If I offer you a stick of trident and your response is "no thanks, i don't like to chew gum", then I guess the jokes on me?

    It is never wise to catch a thrown cat.


    molly said...

    luke makes me laugh!

    Luke said...

    this column goes through an editor? figi? try fiji. form? try from. and "planet" was supposed to end with :( cause thats a sad thought then end paragraph. but whatevs that dude in the photo is a total hottie.

    PWeekly said...

    LOL! Touche.

    Vicki said...

    Do you just have a secret folder of Luke pictures?

    Luke said...

    he draws them

    Anonymous said...

    Awesome as always!