May 22, 2009

lol: luke on life

I think that "chinese food is healthy, just look at how many 102 year old asian dudes you see walkin around" quip is a falsey. First of all sweet and sour pork and chicken chow mein aren't that healthy. Secondly, real chinese people don't eat that shit, they grub down on fried chicken knuckles and stained tooth tea. Also that dude walkin down your street that looks 102 is 36. He just smokes 3 packs a day. For reals. He's on his second pack at an indian casino right now.

Ever fart so bad in your pants your dick had to light a match?

Hey lady whose toddler I offered to bowl my turn cause he looked antsy and appeared to feel left out: I meant for me to help him roll, not you take my ball, my turn, and your kid to the lane. The single ladies at the alley are post to see me helpin the little tyke and think, "Hey look, that guy is good with kids. I'm not gonna make him wear a condom tonight."

I did the math on all the things I do every weekend that health officials tell me take years off my life. I should be dead in 1712.

Ever notice how there are billions of bugs in the world and if one should happen to crawl on you it's instant "What the fuck is that" time? It's either smashed or flicked off and then looked at in scorn. I believe in the golden rule. I don't walk into bugs homes or cars and crawl on them so why should i allow that beetle thing just come in here and crawl on me? Except for the lady bug though. Having that crawl on you is like a kiss from an angel. What's up with that? I bet the other insects think lady bugs are gay.

How come on my cell phones predictive text "mother" is on the selection list before "movies?" How come i don't spell check before I hit send? Why did that one chick not wanna come over, get naked, and watch mother with me?

5 comments:

Tim C. said...

Predictive text is the worst!

Steve said...

Lady bugs are sexy.

Luke said...

you have more pictures of me than my mother

PWeekly said...

I am your mother.

Anonymous said...

My liver is 47.