April 30, 2009

a steamer for teacher?

Teaching can be frustrating at times. Little kids running around, yelling, soiling themselves. So sometimes you’ve got to teach them a lesson. That lesson: When you crap yourself, shove the evidence into your bag and take it home with you.

The AP reports: A 5-year-old student at Apple Valley Elementary in Yakima headed home on the bus with more than books in his backpack. Inside was a smelly package his father never imagined he’d be toting around.

“I’m still kind of in shock over this, because why would somebody do this? It’s disgusting!” said the boy’s father, who wished to be identified only as “Jason.”

Jason says his son’s kindergarten teacher had bagged up a piece of human feces and stuck it in his son’s backpack. His wife found the stinky mess.

“She found a clear plastic bag with a piece of fecal matter wrapped up in a brown paper towel with the note on it,” he said.

The note read, “This little turd was on the floor in my room.”

Jason says his son’s teacher, Mrs. Graham, called last Friday and said her classroom was “stinky.” She asked if the boy could have had an accident.

I suppose it is easy to get angry with the teacher and say things like, “Oh, you can’t do that to a child, it’s traumatic!” or “Don’t rub his nose in it like a puppy!” or “Don’t wrap an old Snickers wrapper around it and attempt to make him eat it as punishment!” But nevermind all that noise, maybe this kid shouldn’t be crapping on floors. Moreso, maybe he should stop acting like such a little kid. He’s 5 years old and kids are maturing faster than ever. He should have a hit album and be sleeping with Demi Lovato by now or, at the very least, holding down a 9-to-5 job he hates and smoking a pipe every day after work while reading the paper. Get your act together kid, quit shitting the metaphorical bed.

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